Fly Rant: F*ck Your WYD Text

Dear Random Dating App Man,

F*ck your WYD text. 

F*ck your how are you text. 

F*ck your good morning text too. 

F*ck your how was your day text as well. 

F*ck all of your low-effort communication that you arrogantly assume is doing something other than annoying me.  You aren’t applying pressure by asking me “WYD” everyday.

AHT AHT, yes, you are getting blocked. Because, sir, I answered you in complete sentences and I even set it up for you to be engaged and yet you still dropped the ball. 

 Like, sir, I’m good, my day is going well, I slept well too cause thankfully, I have enough sense to not be laid up with man who can only offer me breadcrumbs when I need a whole meal. 

It’s not you. It’s me. 

I require someone who is looking for something real and puts in real reasonable effort. There’s a gang of stuff to talk about. You know, like a global pandemic. How The Boys on Amazon Prime is the most ratchet superhero show. Homeland is a narcissist with mommy issues. Or how Trump is about to lose his job. 

I am a lively conversonalist. I legit take pride in being about to talk to anyone about anything. It’s because I’m well read af. And I listen!  I read everything so you can ask me anything. Yet you don’t.

I can’t get wet over a WYD text.  It’s not intriguing. Rather I am not intrigued. I’m really baffled at how a grown man communicates like a teenager who texts in shorthand.

You refuse to go below the surface but you seem confused as to why when you text me days later that I reply with a “who's this?” 

Look, 917-555-5555, I don’t even know your name. Your number is not saved in my phone cause you did nothing to earn a place in my contacts even though I have mad storage on my iPhone. 

Oh, you are interested? I can’t tell. You lack the fundamentals of any relationship and that's communication. 

Oh, you want me? You want me to do what? Go 50/50 on a date or the bills?

Oh, you want to come over? You think you’re going to drink my wine with my West Elm wine glasses and enjoy the view of the Manhattan skyline from my crib?

 917-555-5555 -you sure do want a lot while doing the least. You got nothing to offer me but the audacity. 

Your game is simple and boring and while other women can be so desperate that it works for them, I’m not them. 

You are failing to understand that I have carefully curated my life like I’m an artist on display at the MoMA. My life is dope and I do dope things even in a pandemic. You don’t get that your presence has to be more comforting than my solitude. You have to add some value to my life. 

Frivolous conversations that don't lead to a social distancing date is whack. I would like to put on a cute outfit with a matching mask. We can go for a walk over the Brooklyn Bridge. Or hit up the MoMA. 

I need some action along with in-depth conversations. 

I know what I bring to the table and I’m not afraid to eat alone so come correct or GTFOMP.  

Sincerely,

A deeply annoyed and frustrated at the lack of prospects with some sense and who have healed/ or are healing on dating apps - Fly Carla