Tag Archives: Fly Read

Fly Read: I Kissed Dating Goodbye

12 Jun

kiss

I refuse to let loneliness get the best of me. At times I feel like that scene in Peter Pan where he wrestles with his shadow, it’s like loneliness is trying to pin me down in a Miguel head lock. Loneliness is a human trait that everyone feels from time to time and sometimes loneliness can consume a person.

Honestly I gave up dating and I only seek to serve Christ. I often have associates try to get me to go online to look for a mate, Christian Mingle is the website people always suggest that I try. And while I don’t knock anyone who looks for love online, I can’t sell myself for the sake of being tired of being lonely. As a writer who spends all my time online, I’m already selling a brand but my heart is not for sale.

I used to work at a wine bar on the Upper East Side; it was an intimate restaurant that served great Italian food. This particular restaurant was a maven for singles on a blind date; most guests who walked in and were greeted by the host had no idea who they were looking for. I was always curious if the persons on a Match.com date really connected or was the connection based off of loneliness? Did they have similarities or was the similar feeling of loneliness enough to build a relationship on?

As I watched my big brother get married last Friday, I thought about my future and dating. Last Christmas my brother brought me a book entitled, I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Josh Harris. It’s a Christian book on dating the way Christ intended us to, the gist of the book is to be patient, embrace the period of being single, build healthy relationships and live to serve God. The author was very straightforward stating that he gave up dating to focus on God.

For me after a series of unfortunate events I realized that God is a better matchmaker than me. He knows what I need as opposed to what I think I want, so for the past two years I haven’t been on a date. The first year was easy as I spent the majority of the year reflecting on the mistakes and gathering the strength to forgive others and myself and I started to move forward. Now I realize that I cannot give everyone a piece of my heart, body and time. I know that God is still working on me and it’s not my time to start dating with intent, I should solely focus on serving Christ. To give up dating means that I had to reexamine my reasons for dating in the first place, most times I rushed into dating to fulfill my romantic needs (needs that only fulfill my selfish emotions and lust), instead of seeing the other as a friend in Christ.

You do know that some people are in hell for love. Some people are in a relationship that they have no business being in or in a marriage that they’re stuck in. Society has pushed this agenda of being single as such an awful period in one’s life when really God wants to use us the most when we’re single. It’s called a “season of singleness,” and one should embrace this precious time. “Season of singleness” is the time to exercise patience, obedience, discipline and to serve Christ. It’s the time to give him our undivided attention and to wait on his perfect timing. Waiting on his time will show you how many people will try to waste your time and you don’t want to waste God’s time. Just because a man talks to you on the phone for hours doesn’t mean that he’s interested in you, he could just be wasting more of your time than someone else’s.

The “season of singleness” will not be easy; I know it’s hard. I think I’m a fly girl who should be on a date every night but what would be the end goal? How can God bring me the correct man if I’m so busy being distracted by the wrong one? How can I serve God if I’m pursuing a man instead of him? This is the season to own your loneliness as it’s a natural human trait and once you take having a significant other out the equation, you’ll realize the significance of other relationships. You will also be able to realize the purpose that God has called for you. I often wonder where I would I be if I spent my time being concerned about the status of my relationship with some man. I would probably spend less time writing, attending Bible study, being active in church and walking into my purpose.

This summer as you watch others out on a date or post pictures of their engagement or attend the wedding of your best friend, don’t be envious. Embrace this time for all that is it worth; God has a plan for you. He is working things out in your favor; serve him with your whole heart as you wait on his time for his time is perfect and good.

Stay prayed up my friends.

XOXO,

Carla Thomas

** If you like my writing or think I need help with writing, Go Fund Me! http://www.gofundme.com/flycarla **

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Fly Read: The seriousness of one’s intent

11 Jun

A close friend of mine recently posted a quote from Anthony Bourdian that stated, “the journey is part of the experience- an expression of the seriousness of one’s intent. One doesn’t take the A train to Mecca.” This quote really resonated with me because my intent of studying writing and than traveling to Africa to teach writing is very serious.

The objective of this educational/missionary trip is to learn as much as possible so that I can give as best as possible.  The course at Yale University will help me revise my pilot television script and the course at the University of Cambridge will assist in the finishing of my fiction book for teenage girls. With both projects I am looking to re-shift the perception of Black girls and Black women via the media, I am developing projects that will showcase the full-dimension of Black teenage girls and Black women.

There is a problem in the media where it seems that networks are keen on showcasing Black women in one dimension, a dimension that strips the soul and the deep rooted history of African American women by showing only superficial, overtly sexually, and angry Black women. Black women are the capstone of American history and argumentatively the strongest persons of mankind. The strength and the depth and the pride of being unashamedly and apologetically Black needs to be displayed in the media and I am hoping to showcase the aforementioned.

I am specifically hoping to reach teenage Black girls from the ages 12-18 with my fictional book series starting with the first book tentatively titled, The Fly Girl Guide To The 6th Grade. This book which I am currently on the third chapter of is a division of my online website, The Fly Girl Guide (www.theflygirlguide.com). It will serve as an alternative look at middle school and high school in the eyes of a young girl who is seeking to navigate middle school and high school with an independent thought and with style and grace.

My television script has a similar concept showcasing a Black professional woman living and thriving in Brooklyn, New York. What Living Single showcased in the 90′s, I am looking to reinvent with a new aged twist. Black women are spiritual, funny, educated and married and I am hoping to show a narcissistic generation who loves bathroom pictures and relishes in all that is ratchet that being a lady will never go out of style.

This campaign is bigger than me; it’s for the moms who have to explain to their daughters that she shouldn’t aspire to be just a basketball wife, it’s for the aunties who have to explain that Kim Kardashian isn’t a role model, it’s the for the teachers who have to discuss why Michelle Obama is an inspiration as opposed to a pop star.

My intent is to make sure the media takes Black girls and women serious as not all of us are trying to put on a minstrel show. We are mothers, wives, friends and we are fly.

I’m not asking you to go broke, I just ask for a little support to help with a big cause.

http://www.gofundme.com/flycarla

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Fly Read: Happy Hump Day!

5 Jun

stay-strong-weekend-is-coming-soon

For the past year and a half- hump day was my mid-week worship day. No matter what else I had going on in New York I made it my goal to attend Bible study; whether it was the noonday Bible study or the evening Bible study, I made sure that I attended either class.

Not a lot of people knew that I spent my Wednesday afternoons in church because most of the time as I would walk towards church, I wanted to tweet, “off to Bible study” but I would decide against it because of my fear of sounding uncool. There are times when I talk to friends or co-workers that I shy away from talking about God as if being a God-fearing woman makes me look corny.

But then I have to tell myself that there is nothing shameful about being a woman of God. Being a God-fearing woman means that I will suffer persecution and others won’t want to hear what I’m saying but I will keep writing about Christ, updating my status and quoting scriptures because my spreading the gospel is not in vain.

As I went to my last Bible study in Brooklyn last Wednesday (I moved back home to make Baltimore my base as I travel for the next seven months) the Pastor talked about how Christians tip-toe around the world. Not in a sense of being ashamed to spread the gospel but when trying to be Christ-like Christians practice a restraint that non-believers do not. As a Christian who strives to be Christ-like every day, I practice guarding my heart, loving my neighbor, loving my friends and enemies, being patient and watching what I say and do. It’s a conscience effort to in short- just be a nice person who genuinely cares about others.

Some people are showing you exactly who they are. Some people are showing you that they don’t care about you, they are showing you their selfishness, they are showing you that they are a thief, that they only love conditionally and they just might not be a kindhearted person. Our goal when seeking to live Christ-like is to not judge them but to BELIEVE them. Believe that friend who doesn’t value your time, believe that boyfriend who you just can’t figure out what his deal is or that girlfriend who values her Louboutins more than herself respect. They are showing you who they are; your goal is to show yourself approved to God.

Regardless of the world around you, as a Christian you are supposed to be hope in the mist of rubble. There is nothing shameful in spreading the gospel, being nice and being kindhearted. Continue to practice the restraint and the discipline that God asks of us, it’s not going to be easy and others will call you “fake” as you “tip-top” with a gentleness that they can’t understand. Honestly, as you follow Christ by reading the Bible, studying his word and fellowshipping with others in Christ, you are as real as it gets because HE is real.

Stay prayed up my friends.

XOXO,

Carla Thomas

** If you like my writing or think I need help with writing, Go Fund Me! http://www.gofundme.com/flycarla **

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Fly Read: All The Sh*t I Don’t Like About Chief Keef

28 May

 

Chief-Keef-Katy-Perry

It must be the end of days when a non-talented 17-year-old baby daddy has a record deal and makes more money than most college graduates. With the recent Twitter confrontation between Chief Keef and Katy Perry, what Charles Ramsey said was true a white woman will only run into the arms of a black man when she is in trouble other than that she runs the other way. Here Katy Perry tweets her dislike of Chief Keef’s “I Hate Being Sober” track via Twitter and Chief Keef responds with a threat causing Kate Perry to retract her statement and apologize.

Now I am all for white girls apologizing to brothers but in this case how come no one has the balls to stand up to a punk 17-year-old? I mean here’s a guy who cried when he found out he had to go to juvie. I know chicks who took their weed charge and sentencing like a real G and this guy has guns in his videos and was afraid to go to jail; he was terrified of the same lifestyle that he promotes.

Somehow adults have become so scared of children that a person can’t even stand by a 140 character tweet. It’s not even just with Chief Keef but it’s a trend of adults being blatantly disrespected by some youngster than having no gull to stand up to the said child. Where do they do that at? Where is the village to help raise these children? In the case of Chief Keef, I’m not retracting my top ten reasons of what I don’t like about him.

Sh*t I Don’t Like About Chief Keef:

1. Unkempt locs is the sh*t I don’t like.

2. Black ashy lips from smoking too much weed is the sh*t I don’t like.

3. Jail tattoos on a bird chest is the sh*t I don’t like.

4. A group of shirtless bird-chested negros in a room with no girls is the gay shi*t I don’t like.

5. Shooting a music video in a house with no furniture is the sh*t I don’t like.

6. Getting a middle schooler knocked up and going to court for not paying child support at 17 is the sh*t I don’t like.

7. Missing a music video shoot with 50 Cent and Wiz Khalifa because you were getting high is the sh*t I don’t like.

8. High profile rappers remixing your tracks making you richer and more popular than other truly talented rappers is the sh*t I don’t like.

9. Disrespecting my favorite Cali girl Kate Perry is the sh*t I don’t like.

10. Having me write this article and then ask my homeboy if he thinks I will be safe if I post this story is the irony and sh*t I don’t like.

 

Don’t be scared of Chief Keef be scared of what he represents, he represents a selfish generation that doesn’t care about consequences, understand the importance of education or value life. The fact that he has a record deal shows the music industry’s mission to make a profit by any means necessary. They have given this guy a platform to showcase his ignorance when at most his videos and music should only be circulated within his groups of friends. Let’s not be afraid to fight against the deconstruction of our youth, we must stand for something or we’ll fall for Chief Keef.

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Fly Read: Nothing’s More Attractive Than A Heavy Praying Woman

20 May

praying_hands

“Nothing’s more attractive than a heavy praying woman
To a him when those and them been defecating on me.
Her would sense the heaven, and him when Andre omen
Baby I’m hell, save me, don’t bail…”- Andre 3000

3 Stacks said it best. As I am learning The Word, I have never felt any prettier. As I am starting to understand the instructions to live Christ like, I have more confidence, I’m more secure and I just feel really good. Living as a Christian gives me an inner beauty that no makeup could accentuate. It’s an inner beauty of knowing that if you give yourself away and let God live through you; you’re getting nothing less than the best.  God’s blessings are better than any human desires and they come by the way of faith and prayer.

Praying is the direct communication to God and it is vital for one’s faith and well-being. God instructs us to tell him everything and to pray with thanksgiving and petition. It’s not a cliché when someone says that prayer changes things! It’s true! God wants to bless you but he also wants you to acknowledge him and pray for exactly what you want. To serve God, you must humble yourself, give thanks, ask specifically for what you seek and then truly believe that your blessings will come.

It’s hard to believe what we can’t see but the blessings are worth it. Last year, I was praying for a new apartment. I loved my first apartment in New York and at first it was a blessing. I needed a place to stay, a friend hooked me up and I had my own little slice of Heaven in Bed-Stuy but within the last year, I was in dire need of a new apartment. My slice of Heaven turned into a hot mess, I was dealing with a slum lord, living without heat and hot water throughout winter all while trying to be a fly girl. I had no gas in my apartment for months because my landlord had me servicing the entire building with gas and it took ConEd months to figure out the problem and restore my gas. Unbeknown to most, I was attending Jay-Z parties and New York Fashion Week while showering at a friend’s house but even in the mist of my trails, God was still working. I then spent all of spring and summer battling my landlord in court; I was not paying rent for unsavory living conditions. I then was not only praying for a new apartment but while in my situation of going to landlord-tenant court I was praying for God to step in as a lawyer.

I battled it out with my landlord for eight months! The attorneys for my landlord had no idea that they were up against a young Howard University graduate with Jesus as her lawyer. Right before court, I would get down on my knees and ask God to step in as lawyer and once I went to court, I barely had to say anything. The landlord’s attorneys would put their foot in their mouths, God was working! Months past and I finally saw that my battle with my landlord wasn’t going anywhere. It was time for me to move, I wasn’t sad, God had seen me through months of tenant court with no lawyer so I knew he was setting me up with a new apartment. I left my apartment with no clear direction of what was next, I just packed my belongings up, stayed with a friend, continued on to work, continued to pray and exactly one week from the time I had moved out, I was approved for an apartment that I was interested in. It was a blessing! I had no idea the outcome, all I knew was that I had to step out on faith, continue to pray and believe.  God works! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. He is ever so present and He is with us at every step. It’s not a myth or a fairytale, He is real! He is still present in your current circumstance- YOU ARE NOT ALONE in whatever you are going through.

Being a woman who faithfully prays is like a man finding a wife, it’s a good thing. I don’t just pray at night, I set my alarm at 6:00AM to pray in the morning because Psalm 5:3 (KJV) states, “My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O Lord ; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.” Praying in the morning gives me the sense of protection and strength to get through the day. I ask God to see me to through my work shift, to protect me on the train, to guard me heart and thoughts and to protect my family and friends as they go about their day. I pray that God keeps me safe and sane because I could lose my mind at any given time! I could lose hope and once you’ve lost hope, you have lost everything.  Praying puts everything in prospective and it gets us through the tough times. What if we prayed just as much as we complained?  And even though I’m not here for my enemies, I pray for them the most.

Being a woman who prays through her situation is attractive; being a woman who knows that there is a higher power breathing in her direction is way more beautiful than any makeup contouring. As the work week gets underway, remember to pray your way through it. Pray for your coworkers, pray for your family, pray for your friends, pray for your foes and God will see you through it.

 

Stay prayed up my friends.

 

XOXO,

Carla Thomas

Writer and Fly Girl

www.gofundme.com/flycarla

 

 

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Fly Read: A Pimp Named Joe Budden

5 Mar

joe budden

I despise Joe Budden. I’ve disliked him for a while but now that I have to see him on TV my disdain for him has grown. He just irks my soul to the core, if I follow someone on Twitter who retweets Joe Budden I unfollow them, I don’t need 140 characters of his nonsense on my timeline. The fact that this man gets females blows my fly mind.

I loved his single, “Pump It Up” when I was in high school, I loved his verse on Marques Houston’s “Clubbin” and most recently, I like his verse on Fabolous’ “Want You Back” but his personality leaves very little to be desired. I started to hate him when I saw how he was doing Tahiry on You Tube and World Star Hip Hop pre Twitter.

I would say to myself, who does this guy think he is to exploit someone? Joey talks so bad about females that I believe he is gay. Who disrespects the opposite sex like he does yet still loves them enough to be in a relationship with them? If he isn’t gay then he is crazy because only insane people do the same thing expecting a different result. This man dates the same type of females expecting them to behave differently. If he has a ring tone on his iPhone, I’m sure it’s Bell Biv DeVoe’s “Poison” because this dude is the ultimate sucker for a big butt and a smile.

My opinions of him were formed before Love & Hip-Hop but now after watching
Joe for over a month, I’ve realized that not only is he insane but he is also a drug addict. I don’t understand why grown adults try new drugs. Like you’re over 30 and popping Molly? Woo, you’re pretty lame. So now I have to question the females that are attracted to this man. I tried to like Tahiry but how can I relate to a female who has gotten into two fights over a man she isn’t even dating? After watching Love & Hip-Hop, Tahiry comes across as a bitter ex-girlfriend who just can’t move on. She seems to have nothing else going on except this dysfunctional relationship.

Joey’s new girlfriend is his naive concubine who doesn’t even realize that Joey is manipulating both her and Tahiry. There is a picture of Kaylin brushing her teeth in a thong on Joe’s instagram, so now not only is random nudity of one’s girlfriend passed off as art but what happened to respecting your woman? Just take the picture and keep it for your eyes only! He also has pictures of her sleeping in the nude and before Instagram he did the same thing with Tahiry.

Joe Budden is nothing more than a pimp who collects females and then exploits them. Although the stories of a pimp and his prostitutes vary, the gist is always the same: the pimp is a damage soul and so are the prostitutes. The difference between old pimps and these new aged pimps is social media and the fact that a female could be whored out and still get put on. So now it becomes two fame whores pimping each other.

I’m not taking away from Joe’s talent but his personal life is a hot mess and if he cleaned up house literally (for a man who loves taking pictures on instagram, his place is never clean) and figuratively, he might go further than performing at S.O.B.’s in New York. And if the women in his life figured out their talents besides finding the right angle via a camera phone, then they too could go just as far.

Carla Thomas
Writer and Fly Girl

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Fly Read: The 27th Year

10 May

Last year’s birthday theme was flight. First thought of to convince my friends to go trapeze flying with me but when I look back, I was prophesying the year to come. Within a year, I flew into adulthood and I soared away from certain friends, exes, and jobs.

My 26th year was a year of handling the most difficult situations thus far in my life, for the most part by myself. It was my first time living alone, I broke up with a longtime boyfriend, and my entire family lives in a different city as do my closest friends. My 26th year was the realest. It was when I was in the mist of life storms that I got really real with myself.

And that’s how I learned how to fly. Once I stopped bullshitting and limiting myself and fully understanding how much power I constantly gave away; I took off spiritually and emotionally.

Yesterday, was my 27th birthday and I’ve deemed my 27th year- the year of light. This is the year of letting my light shine. I’m giving myself away to God so that He can use me and I’ll start to become the person he has truly meant for me to become.

This year I will not play small for the sake of others’ insecurities; this is the year of seeing how fabulous I can really become and I know it will be a scary journey. Marianne Williamson said it best, “Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.” If I truly give myself away to God and really let him use me, the possibilities seem endless. This could be the year that The Fly Girl Guide pops off, the year I write my book, the year I become a stylist, or a talk show host, whatever my aspirations may be- this is my time and my year.

This is the year where I refuse to let outside influences determine my latitude; I refuse to become distracted by friends or by a man, I refuse to not use the gifts that God has given to me. This is the year to see what can truly happen if I just focus on letting my light shine. If I made it safely and sanely through last year with all the mess I went through, then I already have more confidence in myself than I did a year ago. I am already in a better place to let my light shine.

Williamson’s quote continues with, “And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” I am letting my light shine so that others can do the same. As I trek down the path of enlightenment, I pray that my family, friends and my enemies will find their own light as well.

This is not only my time or my year; it can also be yours.

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Fly Read: What I’ve learned from Drake

12 Mar

drake

I have been sleeping on Drake. Maybe it’s his Canadian/Wheelchair Jimmy swag that I just couldn’t get with. It’s a tug-of-war with my feelings towards him. There are times when I can’t understand his appeal and than after listening I can see why people love him. Then he does something corny and acts a little too thirsty and I see why I was hesitant to give this Young Money Cash Money Billionaire representative a chance.

Nevertheless, everyone around me loves him and as much as I didn’t listen to his music whenever someone played a Drake cut, I’ve always liked the song. So, I take to my Spotify to give Take Care an honest listen and I realized that I’m late as hell but I truly enjoy the album. And I just might like the album because I have a vagina.  I get it, it’s a female album and, I love it.

Drake is a talented dude with an affinity for a big butt and a smile but between his thirst for strippers, there is some genuine emotion in Take Care. And after listening to his sophomore album, I come away with a few tidbits that I find helpful throughout my daily musings.

 

  1. Get money- “I’m getting money just taking care of me.”

I’m not saying that I am too independent and it’s not greed because a fool and his money will soon part, it’s about making sure I am   taking care of myself before committing myself to someone else. It’s a conscience effort to make sure I’m the best me so I’m at my best with you.

 

  1. Don’t give them no more chances-

I’m taking the “L.”   And the “L” is the lesson -the first time.  The second time it’s a choice and that’s then called a mistake.

 

  1. Don’t stay too long-

As humans we hate to think that we have made a decision that wasn’t right for us, so we stick around in a situation for longer than we should. Truth is- if we were genuinely honest with ourselves, we already know that we have overstayed our welcome.

 

  1. Pussy runs everything-

It’s not the end all be all because it can’t change a man’s character but I cannot forget the power of the P-U-S-S-Y.  I hear it from my            girlfriends and I; myself have been guilty of stupidly rewarding bad behavior.

“Can’t you tell by how they looking at you everywhere you go. Wondering what’s on your mind, it must be hard to be that fine, when all these motherf-ckers wanna waste your time.”   It is hard and I don’t have time to waste.

“That’s why you wanna have no sex, why you wanna protest, why you wanna fight for your right, cause you don’t love them boys, pussy run everything, f-ck that noise.” That sounds accurate.

 

  1. Howard University girls are still the flyest-

“ Sounds so smart like you graduated from college, like you went to Yale but probably went to Howard, knowing you.”

As a Howard University alumna, I’m used to hearing my school getting love from different artists (Stevie Wonder, Biggie, Ludacris, Wale, etc.) but to hear an artist for the new generation shout out Howard makes me proud. My niece loves the line and she tells others that she is going to HU like her Aunt.  And when I hear the small minds that think it’s an insult, I tell them to listen again.

 

I don’t agree with everything that Drake says, but I look at Take Care as a collection of little pick-me- ups.  It’s as if he is a cheerleader when I’m too hard on myself. I’m not looking for validation, it’s just a whisper in my ear that says, “that’s why you’re bad as f-ck and you know are.”

 

 

Carla Thomas

Writer and Fly Girl

www.theflygirlguide.com


http://twitter.com/flycarla

 

 

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Fly Read: The Way We Wore: Black Style Then

8 Feb

the way we wore

This book is really great because it emphasizes how crucial a role African-American fashion has played over the years. The Way We Wore: Black Style Then by Michael McCollom reminds me of skimming thru my parent’s photo albums; pictures of the stylish beginnings of a diverse group of African American tastemakers.

The snapshots come from within Michael McCollom’s own family and circle of friends who may include Oprah Winfrey, Naomi Campbell, Tyra Banks, Tracy Reese, Kimora Lee, Coco Mitchell and Iman, among others.

It’s a creative history book of black fashion.

Available at Barnes & Noble.

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