I refuse to let loneliness get the best of me. At times I feel like that scene in Peter Pan where he wrestles with his shadow, it’s like loneliness is trying to pin me down in a Miguel head lock. Loneliness is a human trait that everyone feels from time to time and sometimes loneliness can consume a person.

Honestly I gave up dating and I only seek to serve Christ. I often have associates try to get me to go online to look for a mate, Christian Mingle is the website people always suggest that I try. And while I don’t knock anyone who looks for love online, I can’t sell myself for the sake of being tired of being lonely. As a writer who spends all my time online, I’m already selling a brand but my heart is not for sale.

I used to work at a wine bar on the Upper East Side; it was an intimate restaurant that served great Italian food. This particular restaurant was a maven for singles on a blind date; most guests who walked in and were greeted by the host had no idea who they were looking for. I was always curious if the persons on a Match.com date really connected or was the connection based off of loneliness? Did they have similarities or was the similar feeling of loneliness enough to build a relationship on?

As I watched my big brother get married last Friday, I thought about my future and dating. Last Christmas my brother brought me a book entitled, I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Josh Harris. It’s a Christian book on dating the way Christ intended us to, the gist of the book is to be patient, embrace the period of being single, build healthy relationships and live to serve God. The author was very straightforward stating that he gave up dating to focus on God.

For me after a series of unfortunate events I realized that God is a better matchmaker than me. He knows what I need as opposed to what I think I want, so for the past two years I haven’t been on a date. The first year was easy as I spent the majority of the year reflecting on the mistakes and gathering the strength to forgive others and myself and I started to move forward. Now I realize that I cannot give everyone a piece of my heart, body and time. I know that God is still working on me and it’s not my time to start dating with intent, I should solely focus on serving Christ. To give up dating means that I had to reexamine my reasons for dating in the first place, most times I rushed into dating to fulfill my romantic needs (needs that only fulfill my selfish emotions and lust), instead of seeing the other as a friend in Christ.

You do know that some people are in hell for love. Some people are in a relationship that they have no business being in or in a marriage that they’re stuck in. Society has pushed this agenda of being single as such an awful period in one’s life when really God wants to use us the most when we’re single. It’s called a “season of singleness,” and one should embrace this precious time. “Season of singleness” is the time to exercise patience, obedience, discipline and to serve Christ. It’s the time to give him our undivided attention and to wait on his perfect timing. Waiting on his time will show you how many people will try to waste your time and you don’t want to waste God’s time. Just because a man talks to you on the phone for hours doesn’t mean that he’s interested in you, he could just be wasting more of your time than someone else’s.

The “season of singleness” will not be easy; I know it’s hard. I think I’m a fly girl who should be on a date every night but what would be the end goal? How can God bring me the correct man if I’m so busy being distracted by the wrong one? How can I serve God if I’m pursuing a man instead of him? This is the season to own your loneliness as it’s a natural human trait and once you take having a significant other out the equation, you’ll realize the significance of other relationships. You will also be able to realize the purpose that God has called for you. I often wonder where I would I be if I spent my time being concerned about the status of my relationship with some man. I would probably spend less time writing, attending Bible study, being active in church and walking into my purpose.

This summer as you watch others out on a date or post pictures of their engagement or attend the wedding of your best friend, don’t be envious. Embrace this time for all that is it worth; God has a plan for you. He is working things out in your favor; serve him with your whole heart as you wait on his time for his time is perfect and good.

Stay prayed up my friends.

XOXO,

Carla Thomas

** If you like my writing or think I need help with writing, Go Fund Me! http://www.gofundme.com/flycarla **

The objective of this educational/missionary trip is to learn as much as possible so that I can give as best as possible.  The course at Yale University will help me revise my pilot television script and the course at the University of Cambridge will assist in the finishing of my fiction book for teenage girls. With both projects I am looking to re-shift the perception of Black girls and Black women via the media, I am developing projects that will showcase the full-dimension of Black teenage girls and Black women.

There is a problem in the media where it seems that networks are keen on showcasing Black women in one dimension, a dimension that strips the soul and the deep rooted history of African American women by showing only superficial, overtly sexually, and angry Black women. Black women are the capstone of American history and argumentatively the strongest persons of mankind. The strength and the depth and the pride of being unashamedly and apologetically Black needs to be displayed in the media and I am hoping to showcase the aforementioned.

I am specifically hoping to reach teenage Black girls from the ages 12-18 with my fictional book series starting with the first book tentatively titled, The Fly Girl Guide To The 6th Grade. This book which I am currently on the third chapter of is a division of my online website, The Fly Girl Guide (www.theflygirlguide.com). It will serve as an alternative look at middle school and high school in the eyes of a young girl who is seeking to navigate middle school and high school with an independent thought and with style and grace.

My television script has a similar concept showcasing a Black professional woman living and thriving in Brooklyn, New York. What Living Single showcased in the 90′s, I am looking to reinvent with a new aged twist. Black women are spiritual, funny, educated and married and I am hoping to show a narcissistic generation who loves bathroom pictures and relishes in all that is ratchet that being a lady will never go out of style.

This campaign is bigger than me; it’s for the moms who have to explain to their daughters that she shouldn’t aspire to be just a basketball wife, it’s for the aunties who have to explain that Kim Kardashian isn’t a role model, it’s the for the teachers who have to discuss why Michelle Obama is an inspiration as opposed to a pop star.

My intent is to make sure the media takes Black girls and women serious as not all of us are trying to put on a minstrel show. We are mothers, wives, friends and we are fly.

I’m not asking you to go broke, I just ask for a little support to help with a big cause.

http://www.gofundme.com/flycarla

It must be the end of days when a non-talented 17-year-old baby daddy has a record deal and makes more money than most college graduates. With the recent Twitter confrontation between Chief Keef and Katy Perry, what Charles Ramsey said was true a white woman will only run into the arms of a black man when she is in trouble other than that she runs the other way. Here Katy Perry tweets her dislike of Chief Keef’s “I Hate Being Sober” track via Twitter and Chief Keef responds with a threat causing Kate Perry to retract her statement and apologize.

Now I am all for white girls apologizing to brothers but in this case how come no one has the balls to stand up to a punk 17-year-old? I mean here’s a guy who cried when he found out he had to go to juvie. I know chicks who took their weed charge and sentencing like a real G and this guy has guns in his videos and was afraid to go to jail; he was terrified of the same lifestyle that he promotes.

Somehow adults have become so scared of children that a person can’t even stand by a 140 character tweet. It’s not even just with Chief Keef but it’s a trend of adults being blatantly disrespected by some youngster than having no gull to stand up to the said child. Where do they do that at? Where is the village to help raise these children? In the case of Chief Keef, I’m not retracting my top ten reasons of what I don’t like about him.

Sh*t I Don’t Like About Chief Keef:

1. Unkempt locs is the sh*t I don’t like.

2. Black ashy lips from smoking too much weed is the sh*t I don’t like.

3. Jail tattoos on a bird chest is the sh*t I don’t like.

4. A group of shirtless bird-chested negros in a room with no girls is the gay shi*t I don’t like.

5. Shooting a music video in a house with no furniture is the sh*t I don’t like.

6. Getting a middle schooler knocked up and going to court for not paying child support at 17 is the sh*t I don’t like.

7. Missing a music video shoot with 50 Cent and Wiz Khalifa because you were getting high is the sh*t I don’t like.

8. High profile rappers remixing your tracks making you richer and more popular than other truly talented rappers is the sh*t I don’t like.

9. Disrespecting my favorite Cali girl Kate Perry is the sh*t I don’t like.

10. Having me write this article and then ask my homeboy if he thinks I will be safe if I post this story is the irony and sh*t I don’t like.

Don’t be scared of Chief Keef be scared of what he represents, he represents a selfish generation that doesn’t care about consequences, understand the importance of education or value life. The fact that he has a record deal shows the music industry’s mission to make a profit by any means necessary. They have given this guy a platform to showcase his ignorance when at most his videos and music should only be circulated within his groups of friends. Let’s not be afraid to fight against the deconstruction of our youth, we must stand for something or we’ll fall for Chief Keef.

A grown woman knows that not everyone is rooting for her, a grown woman knows that some of the people close to her will doubt her and while there will be MORE obstacles stepping out of her comfort zone, it will be well worth it. A grown woman knows there is nothing cute about playing it safe or playing small for the sake of others, she knows that there is nothing fulfilling about not seeking to be fulfilled. A grown woman knows that if it is in God’s will and she is abiding in Him, that the possibilities are endless.

Some women are walking around grown in age but still mentally and spiritually little girls. As for me, I’m getting my grown woman on.

www.gofundme.com/flycarla
]]> http://theflygirlguide.com/2013/05/21/fly-read-like-beyonce-im-a-grown-woman/feed/ 0 flycarla http://theflygirlguide.com/2013/03/28/fly-fashion-10-non-clothing-items-every-fly-girl-should-own/ http://theflygirlguide.com/2013/03/28/fly-fashion-10-non-clothing-items-every-fly-girl-should-own/#comments Thu, 28 Mar 2013 19:35:44 +0000 flycarla http://theflygirlguide.com/?p=4093 ]]> As a fly girl, you must think outside of the box and your closet. Being fly means you pay attention to the little details that make you stand out from the crowd, it’s the added thought to the small things that shows you truly have style.

1. Gym membership- You have a closet full of clothes, you might as well look your best in them. Keep that figure tight!

2. Flask- Because girls with class don’t need a glass.

Kate Spade New York
Pop Art Check Umbrella

3. Umbrella- Face the bad weather with style.

4. Tool Box- Hang your own Warhol with pink tools.

5. Wine Glasses- Red wine deserves a red wine glass and white wine deserves a white glass. You’re grown; you should know the difference and have proper glassware for every occasion.

Shoes Stationery from Paper Source

6. Stationary- Send sweet nothings or say thank you with your own personalized stationary. In an era of Facebook and email, something personal goes a long way.

7. Pen- Ditch the BIC and invest in a good pen.

8. iPhone- Sorry folks, you get judged by your phone so upgrade now. I mean, there are twelve-year-olds who own one, so you should too.

9. Sewing kit- Every fly girl should know how to sew on a button or fix a small tear, save your money and do-it- yourself.

Shark Press and Refresh Garment Steamer

10. Steamer- For those impromptu events when you need to be on your cocktail dress sh*t but don’t have time to take it the cleaners. A garment cleaner will have your dress party ready in no time.

Friday:

Foxy: The Complete Pam Grier Collection:

Starting today and through Sunday, the Film Society of Lincoln Center is screening all of iconic film and TV star Pam Grier’s movies. Grier will also be appearing at a few of the screenings, including tonight’s  screening of Jackie Brown, which will be preceded by a Q&A between Grier and Simon Doonan. There are tickets still available and you can check the complete movie schedule here.

Teyana Taylor does your nails:

Harlem singer Teyana Taylor teamed up with BK nail artist Christina Rinaldi this weekend for the Good Luck Charm pop-up nail salon at the new Adidas Originals event space at 365 Broadway. Those who love nail art can stop by for a limited-edition mani on Friday from 4:00PM to 8:00PM, on Saturday and Sunday from 12:00PM to 10:00PM. Click here to learn more.

Discover Healthy Foundation with Beauty Blogger Felicia Benson:

Beauty expert Felicia Walker Benson of This That Beauty Blog shows you how to find your ideal shade and foundation formula. Felicia is a highly sought after beauty authority and she will surely you up with the perfect foundation.  Find her today, March 15 at the Sephora Times Square, 1500 Broadway at 43rd Street from 5:00PM-7:00PM

Saturday:

Lift Off:

This is the prefect time to score up to 75% off of parisian-cool rags, accessories and shoes. The Surface to Air sample sale continues until the 17th. Friday, March 15: 10:00AM-7:00PM, Saturday, March 16: 10:00AM-7:00PM, Sunday, March 17: 10:00AM-5:00PM;Location: 260 Fifth Avenue, New York, New York 10001

Sunday:

Sunday Winter Jazz Brunch at Upstairs at the Kimberly Hotel:

Join Upstairs at the Kimberly Hotel for the last installment of their Winter Jazz Brunch. This takes brunch to a grown and sexy level. When: Sunday, March 17,12:00PM – 3:00PM, Where:Upstairs at the Kimberly Hotel, 145 East 50th Street, New York, NY 10022

Talib Kweli w/ Cory Mo (LIVE full band show!):

Talib Kweli is your favorite rapper’s favorite rapper. He is a stable of hip-hop and has been able to make music that entertains and educates. On Sunday, he will perform with a full live band at Brooklyn Bowl. Sunday, March 17, Doors: 6:00PM/ Show: 9:00PM, Tickets ($15) available at the door only. Brooklyn Bowl-61 Wythe Avenue Brooklyn, NY 11211

Barneys: It’s Back! Shop the Iconic Chloé Paddington Bag (pictured)

Nasty Gal: Bits and pieces we’re losing it for

H&M: Perfect spring blazers + 25% off when you purchase pants

Brooklyn Based: Three Ways to Welcome Spring

I used to be a Beyoncé hater. I used to call her, “Solange’s sister” just because I vibe with Solange a little bit more but truth be told, I was originally a Beyoncé fan. I remember I took my high school graduation money and went to F.Y.E. and copped, Dangerously In Love. I thought it was a great album, I knew the dance moves in her,  “Crazy In Love” video and “Hip-Hop Star” was my ring tone. I only started disliking her when I realized that her and Jay-Z’s relationship was serious. In my head she stole my man and I just couldn’t like her.

But my infatuation with Shawn has ended and at this stage of my life as a budding fly girl, I can no longer hate on another female who is making all the moves that I long to make. Beyoncé is a hard workingwoman but the biggest compliant heard about Beyoncé is that she never shows her flaws.

After watching Beyoncé on Oprah and then her own, “Beyoncé: Life Is But A Dream”, documentary, it is clear that even a mega star has insecurities and flaws but what makes Beyoncé so special is her work ethic and her understanding that she is a role model. Knowing that others are looking up to her takes her from just an artist to being a person who knows her purpose. After viewing the specials, you see that she is truly blessed and her blessings come from hard work and walking in her purpose.

In the recent issue of Vogue with Beyoncé on the cover, one quote stood out: “As her competition was spilling out of limousines, Beyoncé remained the knockout in six-inch heels who still gets home by 11:00 p.m. Responsibility over recklessness.”   Here is a superstar who goes out, does her thing, sets the world ablaze and gets home by 11:00 p.m. In an era of basketball wives, starter wives, and housewives, how refreshing is it to have Beyoncé? A woman who even the President said the superstar, “could not be a better role model for my girls.”

There is something to be to be said about someone who owns up to his or her influence and does everything with class. Just this week, I saw Rihanna’s ass again! I thought you just had to show your ass to get famous so why does a superstar insist on continuing to expose herself? When Beyoncé GQ cover hit online, the biggest gripe in the blogosphere was that Beyoncé didn’t have to stoop to the level of overt sexually because her talent speaks for itself. Although the complaint could be valid, here is pop star who has been in the industry for over a decade with no nude photo leaks, no drunken pictures, and no excessive sexiness yet she appeals to both men and women.

There is a theory called, The Law of Reflection, The Law of Reflection manifests in that which you resist in yourself, you will dislike in others. Many will continue to accuse Beyoncé of “not being real” or “not doing her”, as if doing less than favorable activities in the public eye accounts for one’s realness. What Beyoncé represents is a sophistication and class that is desperately missing in the industry and in young women. Beyoncé may not be the best reader, she may steal ideas from others and her father has totally groomed her but what Beyoncé seemingly knows for sure is that as a woman, you can get a lot further without being crass and showing your ass.

This isn’t an idol-worshiping article, it’s a simple observation that it is possible to work hard and have it all, while doing it with style and grace. In an era of narcissism and attention seeking, wouldn’t it be great to go to back to our Beyoncés?

Carla Thomas
Writer and Fly Girl

Spread love, Biggie, Brooklyn, hippie.

Celebrate the life and music of The Notorious B.I.G. this Saturday, March 9th, at Free Candy in Fort Greene, BK. With Rich Medina on the one’s and two’s, this is the perfect (and only party) to sip Private Stock while wearing your Versace shades indoors.

Deets:

Who: Celebrate the life and music of Biggie Smalls

What: That Brooklyn Bullsh*t, WE ON IT

When: Saturday, March 9, 2013

Where:Free Candy- 905 Atlantic Ave, BK, NY 11238

Admission: $10 | $5 w/ RSVP before 11pm, RSVP HERE | Doors open 10:00PM

Beauty rest is essential for a fly girl, so why not lay your head on luxury pillows? I was doing my rounds on Etsy and I came across TheLindas Shop filled with mocked designer throw pillows. The pillows have vinyl thermo welding which means the writing is resistant to any washing. TheLindas Shop, $39